Andrew...Yes, Andrew

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 05:37:47 GMT

What a bloody wonderful week.

Electro

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 13:40:22 GMT

Sorry to say this, really am, but I have to put the visit off for a couple days. Business has popped up today and I can't avoid it.

And yes, I am sorry. I'm praying you see this before you go off to the Metro station.

Hiding the Fetish: A Venting and Defense of the Rest of Us.

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 03:55:05 GMT

NOTE: Essay time. This one sucks, but eh, it's the best I can do on such a short notice. Should I post it in some communities?

I noticed in a recent entry of a newfound friend addition a comment on most men being cowards or 'not being men' for hiding the fetish of feeding, liking big girls, or such stuff. Whilst surely some will fall into such a line (some always will), I am rather amused at such a statement: this is acting like a holier-than-thou statement in my opinion and something that can be refuted, IMO almost easily in some points.

I suppose my defending this could be sorta ironic. My FA-centric livejournal and deviantart had once been done to hide away such fears, but nowadays, most everyone knows I like big women and a few to a middle amount of those know I'm someone who wouldn't nessacarily mind fattening a woman up a bit or a good amount, or so to speak. This journal has pretty much become for months on end a venting journal with nary a FA comment to be found barring the tired old gag of 'I'll put something-FA related later'. This little shindig has become too well-established, IMO, to ditch anyways, which is why I keep this one in addition to my main journal as well as its superceded purpose of being my special bitching place. Same for DA, really-it's just become a place that I've met several deviants through, and enough from the supposed-hidden FA circles have crossed into my main sites, screennames, and shit for it to gloriously become blurred. Conversely, a few have found my FA-accounts and nothing big would usually happen (something I'll get to later).

Enough of myself. Anyways.

I find it...well, amusing as I said that someone would call most men hiding this 'cowards'. Is it wrong to hide something of yourself? Sure, and add to that pretty much an 'obviously'. But this is also going into the aspects right now that fat in these times has much negative stigma attached to it, not related to just good looks-it's supposed to be unhealthy, sign of laziness, such crap like that. It may shock FAs to know that women have a supposed duty in today's world to be fit and attractive, and in a much more important base, healthy, and that most would WANT to be healthy, fit, and attractive. We're talking about weight and fat here, and we all know the traditional health risks associated with it. To add onto such a scenario, don't forget feederism-you're going to be putting in high-calorie, usually-unhealthy foods and adopting a somewhat more sedentary lifestyle to put weight on, and I don't need to tell you that if you think about it objectively that's saying 'HEY! Get yourself unhealthy!' to most people not into this preference-AKA, the wide mainstream.

So let's assume we're supposed to be brave and let it be known we like big women, and not be cowards. I'm going to pretend that the said person will be clever enough to be tactful to put how he feels in a gentle or light enough way to say, the wifey or girlfriend. Tactful or no, we're assuming also she's someone who could very well be mainstream, and even if you're just a plain FA you're essentially saying that you like what she's likely not or is despising-fat, and remember, she's going to associate it with all the risks and stigma. Let's not forget, dear people, it is usually the lady who will be the fat one in most FA relationships, therefore SHE is the one who'll actually bare most criticism if such a relationship exists-she's the one who's going to take in the offhand remarks or snide put-downs or insults. And if you're into fattening them up, not just them being fat? Hell, DELIBERATELY putting on weight as a woman? I like to think I know enough who'd consider that a kiss of death.

We're even assuming in these scenarios she'll be accepting herself as fat or fattening up. Suppose it's told. But what if she's trying to lose weight? What if she's already an athlete? She's been putting hard work into getting fit, and the guy she's with just told her basically sexually, that's all for naught. Do you think the man would want her to feel like shit after that, which is most likely what she'd feel like? What if he DOES prefer big women, but still finds her sexy? And was just trying to be 'open' about what he liked? There's still at the least going to be doubts in her mind, as she's trying to be fit, or attractive-yet that's now conflicting with what she'd feel he'd like. And again, we're assuming some of the better-case scenarios. What if she's disgusted? What if she leaves him, and fat or not he liked her anyways? What if she reacts negatively? This so-called 'coward' was trying to do what was the supposedly laudable thing-being open-and instead it'd blow up in his face in one way or another.

And friends. I've, as I mentioned, had friends discover my deviantart account and livejournal that's now-nominally FA, and take it well, were open-minded, and such. I was happy. I was relieved. Yet you'd be a shit-eater if you didn't believe I've had my share of insults and weird-looks and being told I'm weird. Guess what-I have been, by close friends, aquaitences, and whatnot. Some of these have since moved on from friendship. Others were still clearly my friend but also thought clearly I was odd or freakish. Others even went through the aformentioned love-esque scenario above. I've loved one woman who would never take FA-ism well and had such issues with her body, and genuinely wanted to be healthy and attractive in her own eyes, and had taken sincere, good steps to get to that. Sure, I could have told her-but she's been insulted on her weight all her life and she's finally slimming down and feeling better. See above scenarios for what yes, would have been likely bad-case situations. I am more than happy to keep FA-ism a secret in some cases.

Now of course there's all sorts of 'buts', and let's not delude ourselves, they're probably true. 'But you need to not lie to yourself'. 'You need to be open on what you like.' 'But they're not really friends if they can't accept you all.' That's all true. VERY true. Yet also it'd be true you could find something to refute all of that. While it IS important to be true to yourself, let us remember-this isn't nessacarily merely a preference to some, and we also have some genuine problems with this fetish at times, and perhaps most telling of all-if it wasn't so bad as we think it is, it would be more mainstream and not be a goddamn problem in the first place. Naysayer to this? In all seriousness, go on and the next time the oppurtunity arises, tell your significant other, or your football buddies, or your girlfriends that you're into expansion and the big ole' guts that come with them. Will you get some who understand or merely shrug it off? Yes. Good on them, they're open-minded. But you'll also get some who will think it disgusting or odd and surprise surprise-they may have a reason for it, and perhaps even more surprising to you, you may be hurt or embarrassed. I can gaurentee that for everyone who does not care or so on people knowing they liked big people at one point, they probably *have* turned red because of it at one point in their lives. I did, and I like to think I grew out of it. But I'm not going to be on a lofty pedastel on top of other people for it.

Lack Thereof.

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 03:05:21 GMT

So I had to get out of school.

Grades came in from last semester and I've basically gotten kicked out-so right now that big ole grand plan from last time has kinda gone up in smoke, as has my more optimistic attitude. Hoo boy.

More later.

Happy New Year.

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 06:38:28 GMT

Work at the restaurant wasn't bad at all. Busy, but I made it, and the hour's lull between regular hours and the party allowed virtually everyone who wasn't in a manager position to eat together. After that came cocktail glasses a-plenty, but eh...I made it through. Hung out for a while at the party and I listened to the music, which was nice. Also, yay for large end-of-the-year bonuses!

I don't worry too much on new year resolutions. Not because I think the practice is stupid-quite the contrary, really-but I tend to be more resolute when I need to be, and not only is my birthday near the end of the year, but my being a year older tends to make me reflect more than the regular new year ever did. Beyond that my goals are usually the same-be stronger, faster, and much more importantly, a better worker, smarter, and a more honorable person overall. Noble, but tough, but noble still, I always swear I'll make 'em, and hopefully this coming year will see me make some progress.

I do hope for it. I have a feeling once I move to a university I'll be better off. Beyond the whole sink-or-swim mentality I figure being in the new, and much more so urban place will allow me more advancement in snagging in a social life and things for me to do, buy, yada yada. I still make day trips to cities just to find something hard-to-get, hah.

Who knows?

------

I guess beyond that I can offer a cruddy webcam pic if anyone wants it; or maybe screen names-I've commented and been commented on by so many people's journals that I realize I find it funny I'm still kinda anoymonous, and I'm pretty sure it'll stay casual enough I won't feel embarrassed writing some personal stuff up this journal ala my main one with some people anyways. If you want this, just ask.

Been So Long.

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 22:20:56 GMT

LADIES
-----
Jo and I had a falling out. Bad falling out. No longer friends; now enemies, all that.

Apparently, I've been lying to her to mutial friends-despite said friends getting some information wrong like the fact I never went to college in certain places and how I'm trying to break her up with her boyfriend, despite my having to accept it and her continued bitchery and my helping her get him in the first place, which would be pretty odd to do if I was really intent on breaking her up. We've had a couple big nasty fights over it and haven't spoken since...November 16th. I also had no clue what apparently evil things I did until sometime in December, because heaven forbid she rant on a roomie reporting her without talking to her first, but then block and yell at me without me knowing what's going on. I digress.

As it is, the most I think I can be blamed for is apparently venting on her on how I felt on things to a few mutial friends, and that kinda is not something I feel guilty for not only for how long I was in the dark on things, but also for the fact I've been betrayed by said friends. As it is, most of what she's complained of she's actually precisely done herself before and after our fight, and beyond that the many other nice little acts and shit she's pulled off that make her an absolute hypocrite. I have no love lost for her when she's attempted to call me warped as she talked publically for attention all the pills' side effects in several journal entries' worth, call me lifeless as she again publically talks of how much a recluse she is at college and how she has no friends at home, and how she can whine and mope on how she cries at Christmas when her mother got her a wrong scarf. And the boyfriend parts as a mutial friend told me she seems intent on finding a new guy to bitch to on him.

You can tell I'm bitter, can't you? Hah.

Eh. I know I've probably sounded very, very immature above and in past entries-but I apologize for that now. I do consider on my part this to be a betrayal; as she has pretty much dumped what she called her best friend over god-knows-what emotional instability she has had and continues to have nice things in her life yet still acts like a self-centered emo bitch.

Do I miss her? Yeah, definantly, but this is not the same friend I fell and became best friend to.

Still finding a lady. I dunno. Women I'm kinda cool to at the moment-I'm tired of all my love ending disasterously obviously. Just being friends, although still hopeful for romance, heh.

MOOD
------

Despite the above, I'm actually in a great mood.

I decided if even my best pals were not going to be reliable, I'd rather focus on myself, and things are good. Room is cleaned of about fifteen years' worth of junk and even had stuff donated to charity. I'm sending off college applications and generally going outside more and being far more creative in things-writing, sketching, all that. I've been far more sociable and happy and I like to think even if in real life I'm still something of a hermit, I'm far more approchable.

I am proud o' myself admitedly. I do realize it's time to stop moping about and DO things-hence the applications and the trips to various places I've taken, even if to get outta the house. Assuming I get a successful university entry, do well this semester in community college, and perhaps even get a bit of a social life...I'd be pretty well off. Still have my job and a regular paycheck and I'm doing a ton of housework and repair that's made me feel good otherwise.

OTHER STUFF
-----------

I want to see NYC more and visit Boston, as college there would be pretty nifty, since those seem like such cool places.

Still exercising a ton. Go me. I'm feeling confident in my power again.

Uhhh...go gain weight ladies and be gluttonous yada yada, hah. Well, actually, sure go for it. Fat girls rock.

C'est Moi, C'est Moi.

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 17:14:03 GMT

For now, all that I dispair on shall be considered continuous, and still totally applicable. Mostly 'cause for once, however, I don't really feel like whining on it, so there you go.

I met someone nice in the Dimensions chat of all things and we've been speaking pretty nicely for a while now. I've gone there for a while now, not so much because I like plump gals so much as I'm desperate for human contact-in itself a tale I'll admitedly probably tell rather soon. She seems enough of a female version of me-geekish, my age, sociality at a premium, able to babble on anything, and apparently into the gluttony and high weights I'd like. Yes, too good to be true, let's face it. I'll probably show my true colors of patheticness and already she knows travelling will be difficult. Huargh.

Class...is not going well. At all. Pray for me, people. Also, pray I get motivation to get some college applications done and such stuff. I really, REALLY need it.

I need to do something productive, if only to restore my confidence and motivation in life. Since I don't have a superhero costume or theme readied for me yet, I guess what butterbelly is doing openly and I've been thinking of for a while-writing-could help me out some. Even though I have some half-finished novel...length-things...to complete from some other fandoms, notably Mortal Kombat. Yes, Mortal Kombat. The fifth and sixth games make a surprisingly decent game universe suddenly expand like hell, and continuity and story geeks like me loved them for it. Or hell, I've been told I write well enough, maybe I should go into weight-gain erotica and write something involving that.

*LAUGHS*

Erotica....I haven't had any relationship in years or even held or touch someone (not nessacarily dirty) in the same amount of time. This'll be good if I try it.

Despite my sarcasm and snideness in the entry above, I'm feeling pretty decent right now, though, soooo...expect some more entries and shit. I feel a lot more comfortable even dispairing in this journal than I do my main one right now.

Krackel Bars.

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 06:50:39 GMT

God I love Krackel bars. I'd sell my right kidney for a king-sized one.

Yet those are mere legends and regular sized bars come up once every five years; and even mini-sized ones tend to pop up only in variety packs evey Halloween.

Truly, this is a cruel universe.

Belts.

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 15:58:29 GMT

My belt broke. I was too thin for it-every time I'd pull it as tight as I can I gradually wore out a section that contained the beltholes and a good chunk of belt below it.

I must get SOME record for breaking belts due to thinness.

Ah, Something Funny if Uber-Geeky For Once.

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 03:20:28 GMT

You gotta be a comics geek to know the characters exactly, but I think the story tells everything you need to know. This has become the new, official reason why I love comics so much.

Update Time.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 17:49:26 GMT

So let's get rolling on the angstfest that's my life here:

LADY-FRIEND
------------

She went for the douchebag. I'm no longer her friend; I'm an increasingly worthless emotional crutch, thrown away and picked back up as need be. I lost her, utterly.

For a single sentence, that has far more grief and even dare-I-use-the-word tragedy than I can convey with words.

She went for the douche. A douche who has told her to give up the net and all the people she knows or has contact by it (including me) so she can 'focus on college', and purposly ignored her, and only got to speaking with her again with some choice words I told her to say (a moment I now regret, obviously). He's yelled and berated her for drinking HALF A CAN OF BEER and then quickly said shit like 'it's your life, not mine, I can't judge you' and according to HER HERSELF uses words a fricking wife-beater would use. He's deliberatly insulted her when in his own emotional rampages. He's tugged her emotionally and claims he likes her and yet had to be forced into a visit-and even if that visit ended with 'em doing the nasty just that same evening she's whining to me on how worried she is on things yet again and if they'll break up.

Oh, yes, when she talks to me. She blatantly ignores me now. Couple months now, and the only time she'll talk is on how depressed she is at college (something she wanted for years), how she can't meet friends (despite meeting very nice people based merely on what she tells me), how she needs a deep emotional bond (apparently ignoring our friendship of five years where we were always there for each other), how she feels very socially different and alone (ignoring the fact I'm her male equivelent on this), how she wanted a man to help listen and deal with her emotions (I did that since literally day one of meeting her-and yes, I have the story in memory, thast's a literal day one) and that douchebag all the freaking time. ALL THE TIME. And once I offer a solution? Bam, ignored, silent.

God. I loved her and yet everything went horribly wrong. I tried to tell her once I thought she changed and yet instead I get painted as a bad guy trying to ditch her friendship. I'm afraid to say something bad...

...well, no. Not anymore.

I want to tell her how much of a bitch she's become, I just need an opening. But...I care so much and I don't want to be an awful person. I'll hurt her. Honestly. She's the most sensitive person I've ever met. Was I an awful person for figuring friendship's the best I could ever hope for and help her out with getting the bastard she wanted, even if it left me heartbroken? Even if she's ignoring me and using me as an emotional crutch and leaves in the middle of tallks? What did I do wrong? Or to deserve this?

God.

Gena came back. I don't know how to feel...at first I was happy, but I can't deal with her casual mentions or depressed talks on how awful she is. I don't know how she feels on me still and I'm tired of feeling guilty about her and what happened between us. I wish she could see how great she was, but she's going down the emotional abyss like I am.

Jesus, is this what happens when I love people? Screw it, then. I don't care how cliche it sounds. Every woman but one ditched me and that other one still went down horribly. I'd rather not hurt anyone else or make myself miserable anymore.

SCHOOL
-------

Failing. Stopped caring, admitedly, but even in my more inspired moments it's not enough; and if it was enough I wouldn't have had to go through all this junior college. Fuck it. I'll just hike somewhere and find a job.

Daniel's studied the colleges here, apparently the programs in this horrid part of Delware attempt to keep people in and from moving out because they're losing so many people. Doesn't surprise me. As I said this is a horrid place, and an economic wasteland and population blight. And meanwhile University of Delware keeps accepting more and more out-of-staters, heh....I do hate this place.

LIFE
---

Sucks.

CONCLUSION
-----------

Thanks for readin', actually. I said it before, I'll say it again: life sucks. I don't know what I can do and frankly, I've stopped caring for a long time on a lot of stuff now: I've lost my best friend and love intrest, I've pretty much failed every class over the last two years since getting out of high school, and mom and dad are back to killing each other again and moaning to me and using me as a pawn in whatever battle they're doing now or piling crap on me and making me feel as guilty as shit. I dunno.

Plan B...is just me leaving everything with a wad of cash and some clothes, and sadly, that was a plan that sounds incredibly attractive right now, even with my level of education and my naivity of the world beyond a select part of Delaware.

Sorry I never write on anything happy anymore.

Obligatory 'I'm Back Yet Again' Post.

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 00:09:00 GMT

Actually, I'll add that I've ignored the friends list lately; I'll try to start commenting on all your journals now, alrighty ladies and gents? I'm an honorable dude, I swear!

And a whole hell of a lotta bitchin' for this journal, but that's what it's become now, eh? Don't worry, I use bitching only in the sense...well okay it's bitching. But I'll make it QUALITY bitching. That's what counts.

And Now a Public Service Announcement! =D

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 05:02:32 GMT

*opens window and pokes front half of body out of it and cups hands*

HEY! LADIES! I'M SINGLE!

*slips back in and shuts window*

Haven't Talked Anywhere In So Long...

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 06:17:51 GMT

Soooo lady-friend and I hadn't spoken in days since I told her how I felt and it turns out she felt horrid about it; mom's gotten the snot beaten out of her by dad and has stayed with me for several days to get away from him; (community) college is bitchin' on payments when I made it; my back has been sprained and I haven't been able to lift anything for a couple weeks now; and I still see no bright lights in coming days ahead regarding anything.

Real entry soon. Like that will happen knowing my rate...

Wunderbar. [/SARCASM]

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 20:50:15 GMT

Life is not too good right now. For now, I'll just make it in a fun-to-read-list, for my own sake mostly.

------

1. For a self-proclaimed feeder who loves 'em big, I find it ironic there's nothing but a bag of apples in my apartment right now and no way to get anything else-at least not easily.

Y'see, this apartment is family-owned, and in Ocean City-a popular resort town. The thing is, they decided it'd be more nice to have free parking for them when they come visit...which is twice this whole summer. And since there's only one parking spot, they kept me from keeping my car. Yes, my car. And the grocery store's locale? On the other side of the mainland and another one WAAAAAY up on 118th street (I live on a named street several streets from frigging 1st street at that). The Food Rite down the street is GONE. So simply put, I have to depend on my family for food-a family which has visited once or twice.

You can see where this is going.

My brother's been the primary visitor, and food-bringer or transport since I can at least pay for my own food from the money I get from my job, he just has to drive me to the store. But he's simply put, REALLY unreliable and lazy. So when I finally confront him on AIM on getting down here when I actually needed him than having excuses, he simply signs off due to his bruised ego.

It is now day two of being virtually food-less, and I've been eating just two meals for a good while before that to preserve food, barring....ye gads I'm sick of it...junk food from all the fast food places. Milk, juice, different fruit, wheat bread, cereal, all of it that's healthy I'm STARVING for. Milk especially, not had it in weeks. Soda...is nice but I feel my bones getting more brittle by the minute. I...hate it. I feel weak...and I despise it...tired and weak. I should never be like this.

I feel I've lost all the weight I gained this year-in fact, at times I feel like I'm 130 again when I was 140 this summer's beginnings. 130 again. ARGH. Took me years to get out of that weight.

I am ready to kill. And anyone who knows me well enough knows I can become similar to the Hulk in rage.

2. Damion/TRS is being far too pushy on getting me and Joelle together.

Y'see, he feels that she's just being really shy, and whilst so far he has been 100% accurate on matchmaking and relationships-and has provided good amounts of proof and contacts to prove that-he's getting to me on this. He's turning this feeling-anticipation, hope that something'll work out-into utter obsession, despair, and fear with how he's constantly harping me to go after her, tell her I love her, tell my feelings, etc.

That's all well and good-if it works out.

But does she really see me as anything else? In truth, only an absolute miracle will make that happen, and he thinks that just flat-out telling her will work, when as a best friend I can tell that's not smart to do. She's also a basket case of emotion, which also helps hinder all that. And...as I said, it'd all be for naught since she likely (very likely, if I wanna be pessimistic) has no feelings beyond friendship and this'll complicate things.

Damion's making me miserable over this, resorting to insults and flat-out threats to get to me on this, and while I know I could take him on, easily, with any of his so-called plots it's finally getting to me-I'm feeling tortured whenever I BEGIN to think on this.

Semi-related to Joelle is that we're having trouble talking lately. Maybe we just need a new subject, or she's getting closer to that loser (far before anything with Damion came up, or my crush probably fell to actual love, or even just a crush, I knew he's a loser, plain and simple) Charlie. Great. Just...great.

3. mytwistyjewel and cutekayleen85, you sure do make a lotta new entries! I'll have to check and update this journal a LOT more and pay attention to it. Hell, I'll make some better icons soon for this.

------

I'm not happy. Will I ever be? At least with luck I'll still be tough and weather through it all, if rather (well, entirely) bitter.

Ah, Hell, I'll Write Anyway.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:42:55 GMT

Damion, The Romantic Swordsman being his universal username everywhere, has returned to talking and IMing me after several months of us parting to our own ways. He's always been, simply put, a guy who has a high code of honor he abides by and he actually gets out and takes action. Heaven knows he's tough shit, he's lost an arm in a car crash and he has no qualms on hacking and trapping accounts of losers who take him on in online matters. Sadly, I'm very serious when I say he can and will ruin you in every way he possibly can. Which is why I'm thankful he considers me an ally and friend in every sense of the term and vice-versa.

He's currently in control of a little forum, and I've given him control of both AFAWG's site and forum-in return for a huge favor. I have little doubt once things get off the ball he'll begin to get AFAWG not just off its feet but up and running like heck, since he's a much better paramount and public leader than I-I think I handled things well enough, but I'm better off being a guy in the background or a vizer/advisor-esque guy than the supreme leader and such shit. I get annoyed by far too many people, whilst handling them is TRS's forte.

The favor. Ambitious plan, but should he pull it off for me, I'll probably owe him for life. I don't want to talk on it just yet...and assuming it works, I'll tell on it soon enough, anyway.

------

Four-day work schedule, and a day off on Saturday-my first official Saturday off since I began working at the restaurant in May '04! Schwing.

------

Scarlett, from TRS's forum, is a nice-enough lady, but doesn't seem to be excited by much beyond X-Men. Oh well. She seems happy enough to IM me.

------

I'll try to customize this journal a bit more, or perhaps toss some of you guys onto my main journal. I vent enough on this being a hidden journal, but hey, I do have enough buddies on this one who don't nearly see me enough here, and LJ is my main way to keep in touch with a lot of people-you guys included. I'll IM some of you and see if you wanna be included in my main friends list.

------

I NEED SEX.

If It Weren't For Work, I'd Have Time to Write.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:34:43 GMT

Well, I miss Joelle like fuck.

In other news, Damion has returned in full force, and is being a swell guy, and if all goes well with a huge favor he owes me...*slight whistle*...well, I could be singing a lot different tune.

wipes brow of sweat

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 05:25:04 GMT

Hoo boy. I never thought I'd have an EXCUSE to not write in this thing, but damn, I'm tired.

It's been utterly crazy at the restaurant lately. Days that're supposed to be easy are horrendous, and the busy days....well....God bless America I got off the fourth. The restaurant's only growing more popular, it seems, and poor ole' me is suffering as I wash endless bucket after bucket of dishes.

The thing is, since this is supposed to be a fatty-lovin' journal, is that I see only fat people now when I do get to get outta the kitchen for a second.

Lemme repeat that. I only see *fat* people there. I've not seen a skinny person since I began working full-time this year.

It's just....well, amazing. I'm working with a large number of Poles and other East Europeans, and being a skinny American compared to all these giants is rather amusing considering how stereotypical America is on fitness right now. Most of the ladies are definantly feeding material, probably without even realizing it, because I do see enough of them going back and forth with giant platefuls of all sorts of food. Hell, most wear tight clothing and let their bellies hang out. I guess no one feels embarrassed doing it since everyone does. And these women are almost all the stereotypical shit you'd read in stories or see in artwork. Round in every place Fat Admierers love to be round, jiggling, double chins, thick arms, wide and swaying ass, the whole enchilada. And enough are young enough to date or just hot if they're adults.

Wide horizontally, as well. Yes, wide. Like, several feet wide. I couldn't put my arms around some o' these people. Actually, I'm shitting you not. Some can't get through the smaller openings between the buffet tables. Some just put something from everything on their plate.

So, there you have it. I'm cleaning up after hordes of giant, wide, gluttonous girls wearing tight clothing and decimating the buffet and not really giving a crap.

....some days, I realize working in an all-you-can-eat place isn't necassarily a bad thing...

Aye. Frustrated, Mate.

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 01:30:12 GMT

Unfortuantly, it seems that it is impossible to find a woman into weight gain who is really not a self-centered or conviving bitch. Or single.

Okay, all of the above.

You may have noticed that I have not written in here for what feels like months (month and a half, same diff). I've really found the community surrounding this intrest...depressing. Interesting people are scarce. People who can be felt comfortable with are scace. Finding a nice girl-y'know what, I'm tired of acting coy on it-is scace, who I won't feel frustrated with sexually eventually. And never did I find so many assholes, idiots, and jerks as I did in this.

Despite this, I need to keep writing my FA-thoughts. I can't let myself deny this, which is essentially what I have been doing for a while. I just...ye gads, wish this was a more normal community or even fetish. What is it about this fetish that makes everything so wrong. Why do women make such power plays with all their little fanboys? What happened to goddamned NORMAL people?!

...normal people. That's what I've been doing for a while, trying to be normal. A woman, one of my best friends, someone I've been closed to, someone I goddamned LOVED has rejected me. Another rejection. What is it about me do women not like? My intrests? My looks? My personality? Apparently it's bloody SOMETHING. Why do I fight some goddammned NERD for Joelle's affection? Why can't...she realize even I goddamn fill a lot of the criteria she wants from what she whines on wanting in a man...someone who's been the one loyal guy through a punk, a hairy geek, and a pussy and most cheating on her.

I like fat chicks, I like seeing them get pampered, I like weight gain, I like giving massages, I like being silly and even then I frankly don't need any of that as long as I can feel love and enjoy being with them, which is precisely what happens with her.

Fuck that shit, apparently, if women don't want someone who actually gives a bloody damn on them. I didn't think that going-for-assholes shit would be true.

I'm tired of hiding things. That's kinda why I didn't write in this for so long, and worry on my main journal-I'd rather try not to hide anything, or at least not make it noticable. Obviously, that's failing if this FA-journal has me writing as both thoughts on fattening the ladies up AND being my actual venting journal. Horray.

zonker25 suggested I write on what I see at my restaurant, to get into purely-fatty lovin' entries. I'll do that tomorrow.

Thanks for nothin', Jo, and hope that whatever guy you go for next'll treat you better...

Ooooh Sheet.

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 18:43:18 GMT

A month and two days.

I'd like to say that I have a life, and somewhat is that true, but in truth I've just been lazy and sticking to myself after a rejection from a really close friend and absolutely lovely lady.

You know what? It'll be a da_snowman* promise that I write a new entry tonight-to-Sunday.

*Not a gaurentee.

REAL ENTRY TIME

Sun, 08 May 2005 16:03:24 GMT

OKAY.

Okay.

Okay. *deep breath* Okay.

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I've been working for the last four days, in a sort of prequel to going back full-time for the summer, je suppose, and it's truthfully exhausting. Thursday and Friday were fairly easy, Saturday I got through but was worse for wear, and now I'm off in half an hour for mother's day. To eight. Hopefully it won't be exhausting. Hopefully not too many mothers will take the three-dollars-off-deal, and hopefully only nubile plump young women will come in today to eat.

...well, people are plump, that's for sure. For my restaurant that's a given, being an all-you-can-eat place...but eh, I can't complain too much when they're young, heh.

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Getting ready to get the apartment ready for the summer, then doing the aforementioned full-time thing. Brother Dan may be moving in with me...and I don't really care for a lazy, unemployed, smelly-can't-change-his-clothes-all-damned-day git about all day and when I get home. Hell, right now at home he's bad enough as-is...his primary contribution is buying a fast-food meal with his dwindling funds and nothing else.

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In order to keep this supposed fat-lovin' journal relevent to its original purpose, I have some new rants and topics coming up. I swear. Just gimme a day so I can write them up.

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...I stopped ducks from sexing it up in the pool today...go me. My main journal has a more relevant entry on it. But they came back to the pool and finished mating once I went inside thinking things were safe. Sigh.

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Speaking of the opposite sex, I wish you women knew how much you really had us men by the balls. I've had enough rejection lately to last me a lifetime, with the usual 'going for the guy who doesn't give an utter damn' becoming my cliched rejection slip.

Soo...

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 22:55:51 GMT

...fattenupwomen and feederism, the two pro-weight gain LJ communities are dead.

Considering I only spoke to BBWlva for a hella short-time, I guess this means I can actually say I hardly knew ye.

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On a much happier note, I got a raise. Whee-haw!

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...yes, real entry is still coming. I know I suck.

Randomness Once More!

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 18:13:26 GMT

Congrats to the new pope, B16. I'm sure he deserves it, since people were pretty observant this day and age on the new pontiff-to-be, though I think it odd how short the conclave was. But see my first sentence anyhoo, and admitedly, everyone'll likely forget about the papacy in a week...I myself, though touched by recent events, forgot it existed until JP2 died, truthfully.

Anyway. It's blessed weather out, and I should be outside, heh heh. But mweh. I'm just chilling.

Skipped class today, not like it matters...four people only appear regularly out of formely fifteen or so and I was one of 'em-not to mention I did all the assignments within ten minutes. At least the subsequent nap I took after seeing the time limit past to get there was good.

...erm, that's it. I'm trying to get back into updating this particular journal on a regular basis once more, so please bear with me, mes amies. I'll have some FA-induced rant to include in the future, I'm sure.

Woo. Hot at Last.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 19:00:44 GMT

Let's hear it for heat.

It has FINALLY become much hotter. I am happy, because frankly, it's about time for the hell part of the classic quote 'nine months of winter and three of hell'. It's nice not to have the wind blowing all the time, enough to make it very chilly, and the sun shining, but nothing else good...

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I dunno what I can say much lately. Work is getting horrendous, the boss refuses to hire a third dishwasher and my attitude is becoming very bad at work, which I hate. I may be bitter, but I don't like being all-out angry, but it's the closest thing I have to stress relief in dealing with eight or so buckets of dishes, cups, bowls, and such junk.

School'll be out in a couple weeks....happily. I should probably start working on the presentations.

I am lonely, verily so.

I'm Back, Again: the Sequel.

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 00:46:03 GMT

Hoo boy...where to begin.

Currently editing a paper for mom. Thesis paper, actually, and arguably the most important paper ever done. I'm flattered she chose me to edit it, since that'd say something on apparently my eye for English...but...it's a paper that needed a LOT of work gramatically. At least I'm sure all the corrections I've done will make me look clever in her eyes. And such. Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

School's going along fairly well, I think. Getting assignments in, attending class when the numbers of everyone else is dwindling, and the like. Sadly, I overslept yesterday, but it's enough by the book I didn't miss much at all.

Something Positive has Choo-Choo answering questions. I'm very happy now.

FINALLY. I have lady troubles. And prolly not the lady troubles one would expect.

Now that I finally got to updating this again, I should prolly pay more attention to it...maybe time to just switch to my main journal alone? Yaaaargh. It's been updated daily compared to this, but I've got some really nice people friended here. Hence my (admitedly petty) dilemma.

Hope you all are doing well.